Camano Island


BY ERIN LAVERY

Photo by Steve Douglas on Unsplash

I wake before the sun.
The warmth of the covers leave my body and I walk into the cold and the dark.
My hands wrap around my mug and it fills with hot coffee.
If I had woken when I had planned, the steam would be rising from the cup,
But it’s not.
For a moment, it’s just me in the silence and the cold and the dark-
reminding myself that it’s almost morning.

Then, I hear my son’s feet touch the wooden floor three rooms down.
He loves the morning in a way I can’t understand.
For years, I have tried to wake early enough to get a head start on day
Before others are awake and need me.
He, in his innocence, has taken this as an invitation to spend quiet moments with me.
He lays in his bed, listening for my own feet to touch the ground so he can come and find me.

Some mornings, when I am bold enough to stay asleep longer than usual,
I wake to the sound of gentle knocking.
Then, a small voice breaks through the sound of his tiny fist against the door.
“Mom, you slept in on accident.”
It’s never an accident.

But in spite of my longing for a quiet
That belongs to only me,
perhaps these days are the best I’ll ever know.
These days are without any moments to wonder whether
I am making good use of this very short
Window of time I have on this planet.
Instead, it is just me and the cold and the dark

And the little man who loves me more
Than the warmth of his bed.

He sits at the table beside me now, pulling out the marshmallow bits from the cereal box.
I pretend not to notice, gazing to my right
Through the wall of windows overlooking Livingston Bay.
The sun is rising in the distance-
Running toward our sky to join us.

By Erin Lavery

Not Alone


Photo by Christopher Beloch on Unsplash

In a world of no margin

we can feel very alone

struggling against the world

ever increasingly stressful

But what if I told you

that a single word or deed

of kindness towards another

could mean survival

So many are on the precipice

of giving up hope

giving up their lives

giving in to sadness and grief

Loss of normalcy

isolation

death of life

as they knew it

One word one deed

of true kindness to another

just to show

they are not alone

Gone


Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Unsplash

No longer here

you have joined with the cosmos

matter that can not be created

or destroyed

We the left behind

are broken hearted

and sad

you are gone

Each star the brightness

of your smile

the universe

containing your soul

Shining down on us

radiating love

we seek you out

amongst the heavens

Too soon it seems

being without you

yet knowing

the spirit still remains

Wishing you peace

on your journey

and yet

so sorry you are gone

Wish



I wish I had known
you better when
I was very young

I wish I had gotten
to spend more time
with you when I
was a little girl

I wish I had learned
more about you
over the years

I wish you had
been more a part
of my children’s
lives

I wish there was
more time to spend
with you now

One wish came true
in that you loved
me and I loved you

Angels



Soup kitchen
shelter workers
those who provide
warmth

Charities
bell ringers
those who give
more

Food banks
holiday meals
those who feed
others

Prayer warriors
lifting up
those who speak
truth

Counselors
therapists
those who listen
closely

Gift card
bringers
those who help
children

Unselfish
givers
those who offer
hope

Angels…all

Minus



Minus you
minus then
minus memories
minus when

Minus touches
minus kissing
minus laughter
minus missing

Minus love
minus lies
minus how
minus whys

Minus guilt
minus pain
minus wrong
minus insane

Minus crying
minus blue
minus forever
minus you

Splendor


joy
This talk of splendor in the grass
glory in the flower
grieving not
joy in what remains

so long have I waited
to allow it to be so
finally to let go
but joy I do not know

Grieving not
have I mastered
regret is not
part of me

Joy in what remains
in the life that is
or in the memory of what was
there is no joy in what was

Certainly there was not
splendor in the grass
nor glory in the flower
no joy in what remains

Remedy


remedy
For all of my insanity
and all the things I’ve tried
it seems that only you
are my remedy

Everything about you
is only ever wrong
but my insanity
never stops

Quieting the madness
if only for a second
with all the choices
still you are my remedy

Try to let you go
not come back again
as the madness grows
I let you in

For all my insanity
nothing else will do
it still seems
my only remedy is you

Remains


hearts
After everything
at the very end
what is it that
remains

When life ceases
to be so busy
and there are only
two

In time of quiet
reflection on the past
now just me
and you

Two hearts inside
two hands
reaching out
with what remains

Don’t


lie
Don’t say you love me
if it isn’t true
or that you’re my friend
then stab me in the back

Don’t say you care
when your actions lie
and every word you speak
is only hollowly false

Don’t make nice to my face
then talk about me in whispers
or pretend for others
but I know the truth

Don’t waste my time with the petty
drama that takes up every day
I’m too strong for you
and I won’t live that way

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