Creating Gratitude

Photo by Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash

Words of thanks

written, spoken, thought

for things big for things small

creating gratitude for them all

Filling your mind

with thankful things

creating a universe

that receives and then gives

Continually creating

with thankful hearts

karma of gratitude

returning greater

Breathe out gratitude

breathe in blessings

expand your universe

creating gratitude

Read my blog this week entitled Creating A Universe Of Gratitude

The Crown Is Now Too Real

Photo by Cristian Negraia on Unsplash

I have long been a student of history and have loved exploring the history of many of the world’s royal families. I have traced my own family lineage back to the year 770, so far. And in this lineage, there is scattered through my own fair share of those with royal and titled ancestry.

I have enjoyed immensely the first three seasons of the Netflix show The Crown. It was steeped in history and the magic of fairy tales with princesses and kings and war and peace. Sweeping stories of historical significance.

Yes, there was also the tragic tales of Princess Margaret never allowed to be happy and the death of the Queen’s father, along with abdication and a monstrous world war. But more so it was the fairy tale with castles, beauty, and magic.

The Queen is famously quoted as saying that the she must be seen to be believed as if without that she is a mythical creature living in a tower imbued with divine rights and far above mere mortals. I think most of us would like to believe that rather than the truth of what being Queen and being a person in a family under that Queen is really like.

Yes, I know that the television show is fictionalized. I know that many of the parts of Season 4 were “added to” for creative license and impact. However, I do believe that the core of all that fiction was the truth. And in the middle of the season and at the end, I felt not entertained, not educated, not in a world of magical fantasy but sad.

I am not so much sad for the people of the royal family as I am for the loss of the magic of my enjoyment of it. They are now people who by birthright or conquest came to be the Windsors and they are prisoners of their own creation. Most of them unhappy in some way and out of touch with reality and real people in so many more ways.

What made me most sad though is that the devastation on the psyche of the members of the family is truly something to be pitied. They can no longer be magical myths when they are or were lacking emotions, bound by enforced duty and directives, depressed, anxious, lacking courage, unfaithful, lonely, with eating disorders, repressed, and sad.

People will say, but it was just made up for television, and parts of it were. However, again, now that we are much closer to current time and there is so much evidence, factual, real evidence, that so much of what was in Season 4 actually occurred just as it was portrayed or even possibly worse than it was portrayed, that is no longer fiction. It is just sad.

The Queen comes from a time in history where duty, doing what one had to do, carrying on no matter how difficult, was a way of life. This was her generations highest belief system. There was no shirking duties, or not doing something because you didn’t want to or didn’t feel like it, or abandoning a marriage or the crown. You just carried on.

This was and I am sure still is her expectation of members of her family. However, times have changed considerably since World War II and if people no longer want to be married or do not love their spouse they expect that they do not have to keep living with them. If people want to give up royal duties and life, they expect that they can do so (as Prince Harry as done). If people want to marry someone outside the expected or arranged they expect that they are able to do so. It must be very hard for the Queen to reconcile these things.

Season 4 of The Crown has brought back for many the very angry feelings they had towards Prince Charles and Camilla regarding Diana. Even to the point of people making very rude comments on posts by the two of them on social media. But all of that is in the past and cannot be changed. And no one, not a single person in the family or outside of it, was innocent in all that happened.

Instead of anger, I think sadness is the emotion not from the television show, as I know that it is fictionalized. But from what I know to be true through the multitude of evidence. I liked to pretend like watching the Royal family in their “dressed up” or “mythical” state could cover all of the things that were just too real and not magical at all.

They are just people with a lot of issues who have a lot of money and big houses who ended up in the right line to the throne. Underneath all the royalty, they are just struggling to be loved and to love, to be happy, to live. Just like the rest of us.

Unfortunately, Princess Diana and Princess Margaret were never able to have those things.

And speaking of Princess Margaret, Helena Bonham-Carter was the one shining light in this sad season. Her portrayal of a woman who was forced to give up the things she wanted most for the good of the one, the crown was heartbreaking and magnificent. Not much about this season was worth praise for me, but her performance was majestic and I do hope she is rewarded with all the awards possible.

In totality however, the show was just too real, too close to the truth and a complete stripping away of the magic, the mystery, the sparkle off the crown. And it just makes me sad.


Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Unsplash

No longer here

you have joined with the cosmos

matter that can not be created

or destroyed

We the left behind

are broken hearted

and sad

you are gone

Each star the brightness

of your smile

the universe

containing your soul

Shining down on us

radiating love

we seek you out

amongst the heavens

Too soon it seems

being without you

yet knowing

the spirit still remains

Wishing you peace

on your journey

and yet

so sorry you are gone

Christmas Lights Make Me Happy

Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash

Christmas lights make me happy. It does not matter the time of year or the situation or place, seeing Christmas lights will always, always make me happy.

2020 has been a year full of unhappy things and events. Surrounded by hate, division, blame and Covid. Add on election tumult and you have a recipe for frustration, anger, sadness, and grief. None of these are happy things.

I have struggled with my private practice. Not because it is not doing well from a business standpoint, it is acctually doing very very well. Lots of people are seeking help with their mental health, which 2020 has also impacted greatly. I have more clients than I can see effectively and many more calling daily to try and get in to see me.

I cannot take on any new clients. I am at the limit of my own capacity for sessions about Covid or political climate or social issues for 7-10 hours a day five days a week.

I do try desperately to do my own self-care but at the end of the day I am so tired I have little left with which to work. On the every other weekend that I am off both Saturday and Sunday, I just want to be a vegetable and binge watch movies and TV shows.

I am not writing this as a “poor me” story. My life is wonderful. I have a husband and family that love me completely. I make a very good living. I lack for nothing. But I am tired. I am tired in my body, in my mind, and in my spirit.

I am tired.

Shortly after Halloween, I began thinking I wanted to put up my Christmas decorations in the office. But I hesitated thinking that it was rushing seasons and skipping Thanksgiving, which I love, but not as much as Christmas. The more I thought about it though the more convinced I became that being happy is more important than being holiday correct.

On Wednesday of this week, I had a break in my therapy schedule and I put up all the office Christmas decorations. During the process, I was happy, lighter, smiling, and I even put on Christmas music to go with it. When it was finished, I was beyond thrilled and my heart was glad.

Every day now when I come in and turn on the lights and see the beautiful decorations, I smile and it makes me happy. When the clients come in they smile and are happy to see it.

I am still tired. But that little dopamine burst every time I flick the switch to turn on the Christmas lights, makes it a bit easier to bear. I will be putting up my home decorations next week. So every evening when I go home tired and worn down, I can sit in the midst of Christmas lights and decorations and be happy and smile.

I have a sign in my office that says, do one thing every day that makes you happy. Turning on these lights makes me happy – every day.

Until next time be well,



Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

So tired these days

in so many ways

in body, in spirit, in mind

peace is hard to find

So much pressing in

spreading me thin

another task on the pile

just want to rest awhile

So much noise all around

hate and division abound

everyone feels out of control

can I just crawl into a hole

So many clients seen every week

my voice tired so hard to speak

try to help them feel stronger

not sure I can any longer

So tired every day

in every conceivable way

hoping for something to lighten the load

to keep on walking down this road

Constant Change

Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash

We fight against it
fear all phases
worry about outcomes
want to control

Resistance is futile
change continues always
ever constant
always present

We push back harder
hoping to avoid
wanting to keep
what we think we need

Universe pushes back
we struggle to stop it
afraid of what we
may become

Universe knows better
all life
all growth
needs change

Be calm
accept what is
let go of what was
become new

Falling Back

Photo by Steve Philpott on Unsplash

Time is always moving forward

except when it doesn’t

one night falling back

magic to erase one hour

Like Cinderella after the ball

carriage becomes a pumpkin

magic slowly slips away

back to something darker

When time moves again forward

still darkness comes all the earlier

as if losing sight of the sun

enveloped in the gloom

Falling back

moments unrecoverable

what did we miss

in the backward ticks

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