Christmas lights make me happy. It does not matter the time of year or the situation or place, seeing Christmas lights will always, always make me happy.
2020 has been a year full of unhappy things and events. Surrounded by hate, division, blame and Covid. Add on election tumult and you have a recipe for frustration, anger, sadness, and grief. None of these are happy things.
I have struggled with my private practice. Not because it is not doing well from a business standpoint, it is acctually doing very very well. Lots of people are seeking help with their mental health, which 2020 has also impacted greatly. I have more clients than I can see effectively and many more calling daily to try and get in to see me.
I cannot take on any new clients. I am at the limit of my own capacity for sessions about Covid or political climate or social issues for 7-10 hours a day five days a week.
I do try desperately to do my own self-care but at the end of the day I am so tired I have little left with which to work. On the every other weekend that I am off both Saturday and Sunday, I just want to be a vegetable and binge watch movies and TV shows.
I am not writing this as a “poor me” story. My life is wonderful. I have a husband and family that love me completely. I make a very good living. I lack for nothing. But I am tired. I am tired in my body, in my mind, and in my spirit.
I am tired.
Shortly after Halloween, I began thinking I wanted to put up my Christmas decorations in the office. But I hesitated thinking that it was rushing seasons and skipping Thanksgiving, which I love, but not as much as Christmas. The more I thought about it though the more convinced I became that being happy is more important than being holiday correct.
On Wednesday of this week, I had a break in my therapy schedule and I put up all the office Christmas decorations. During the process, I was happy, lighter, smiling, and I even put on Christmas music to go with it. When it was finished, I was beyond thrilled and my heart was glad.
Every day now when I come in and turn on the lights and see the beautiful decorations, I smile and it makes me happy. When the clients come in they smile and are happy to see it.
I am still tired. But that little dopamine burst every time I flick the switch to turn on the Christmas lights, makes it a bit easier to bear. I will be putting up my home decorations next week. So every evening when I go home tired and worn down, I can sit in the midst of Christmas lights and decorations and be happy and smile.
I have a sign in my office that says, do one thing every day that makes you happy. Turning on these lights makes me happy – every day.
Until next time be well,
Deborah
Deborah Horton Writing 