Christmas Lights Make Me Happy

15 Nov 2020 Leave a comment

by Deborah Horton in November 2020, Write In The Flow Tags: , , , , , ,


Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash

Christmas lights make me happy. It does not matter the time of year or the situation or place, seeing Christmas lights will always, always make me happy.

2020 has been a year full of unhappy things and events. Surrounded by hate, division, blame and Covid. Add on election tumult and you have a recipe for frustration, anger, sadness, and grief. None of these are happy things.

I have struggled with my private practice. Not because it is not doing well from a business standpoint, it is acctually doing very very well. Lots of people are seeking help with their mental health, which 2020 has also impacted greatly. I have more clients than I can see effectively and many more calling daily to try and get in to see me.

I cannot take on any new clients. I am at the limit of my own capacity for sessions about Covid or political climate or social issues for 7-10 hours a day five days a week.

I do try desperately to do my own self-care but at the end of the day I am so tired I have little left with which to work. On the every other weekend that I am off both Saturday and Sunday, I just want to be a vegetable and binge watch movies and TV shows.

I am not writing this as a “poor me” story. My life is wonderful. I have a husband and family that love me completely. I make a very good living. I lack for nothing. But I am tired. I am tired in my body, in my mind, and in my spirit.

I am tired.

Shortly after Halloween, I began thinking I wanted to put up my Christmas decorations in the office. But I hesitated thinking that it was rushing seasons and skipping Thanksgiving, which I love, but not as much as Christmas. The more I thought about it though the more convinced I became that being happy is more important than being holiday correct.

On Wednesday of this week, I had a break in my therapy schedule and I put up all the office Christmas decorations. During the process, I was happy, lighter, smiling, and I even put on Christmas music to go with it. When it was finished, I was beyond thrilled and my heart was glad.

Every day now when I come in and turn on the lights and see the beautiful decorations, I smile and it makes me happy. When the clients come in they smile and are happy to see it.

I am still tired. But that little dopamine burst every time I flick the switch to turn on the Christmas lights, makes it a bit easier to bear. I will be putting up my home decorations next week. So every evening when I go home tired and worn down, I can sit in the midst of Christmas lights and decorations and be happy and smile.

I have a sign in my office that says, do one thing every day that makes you happy. Turning on these lights makes me happy – every day.

Until next time be well,

Deborah

Ghosts of the Night

25 Oct 2020 Leave a comment

by Deborah Horton in October 2020, Write In The Flow Tags: , , , , , , ,


Photo by Tony Detroit on Unsplash

Author – Robin McNamara

Will your ghosts rest tonight 
As you sleep?
last minute of the clock
Strikes midnight

To take you into another day
Another moment
Another chance—
The cards have fated you.

Remains of the day
Scattered like sand across 
Your eyes, which you will open
In the morning and rub away
The ghosts of the night.

Me, Myself, and I

11 Oct 2020 2 Comments

by Deborah Horton in October 2020, Write In The Flow Tags: , , , ,


By Robin McNamara

Photo by Cole Wyland on Unsplash

By Robin McNamara

Me, Myself and I,
Walked past the wintered 
Tree

In the park with it’s departed
Leaves.

Myself though about I
And what to do with Me.

My heart, like the leaves
Fallen in decay.

I was within Myself,
All alone in the park, 
With just Me.

It’s Quite Mental Really

11 Oct 2020 Leave a comment

by Deborah Horton in October 2020, Write In The Flow Tags: , , , , , , ,


By Robin McNamara

Photo by hesam jr on Unsplash

By Robin McNamara

Like a depressed version of 
Rodan’s Sculpture, the Thinker-

I’m hunched up with an unfolding 
Mind. Out escaped everything. 

Fears, anxiety and phobias, 
All scattered everywhere. 

I almost tripped over my
Arachnophobia in haste to

Escape my coulrophobhia.
It’s no joke really-

That… film, I can’t watch IT.
And that song 99 Red Balloons? 

Definitely can’t listen to that.
I tried to take a walk but-

My Agoraphobia said,
“I’m back bitch.”

So the black dog started 
To whine incessantly,

Inside my head.
And yep, you’ve guessed it-

My phobia: cynophobia did
Not help matters at all.

Now I’ve gone barking mad.

One Week Of Fall

11 Oct 2020 Leave a comment

by Deborah Horton in October 2020, Write In The Flow Tags: , , , , ,


Photo by Stephen Ellis on Unsplash


Fall in Montana is a fleeting endeavor. Most years, there is about a week of actual fall and then it is gone.

This year is no different. The leaves are turning the beautiful colors of red, orange, and yellow. As soon as they turn, most let go of their tenuous hold and fall to the ground. Many others are still green and hanging on. Still others are dead and brown and have been long on the ground.

The weather has been unseasonably warm the last couple of weeks, into the mid 80s for highs and still in the mid 50s at night. But cooler weather is on the horizon. Much cooler weather.

Next week will see daytime temps in the mid 30s to 40s and at night will be in the mid 20s to low 30s. As soon as this happens, which will undoubtedly be accompanied by a strong north wind that blows for a couple of days, the leaves will be removed in one fell swoop.

The trees that are already in the throes of color will be carried to their winter home of the cold dirt and those that are green will die on the tree frozen, brown, and withered to be blown away to some far off resting place.

Fall in Montana reminds us that life is fleeting and appreciation of the beautiful things must be done with intention as soon as they appear. The first leaf of color should be marveled at and celebrated. A full aspen tree the color of newly minted gold should be photographed, painted, and preserved in memory. They will be just as quickly gone.

As I watch today’s wind blow, the leaves are making their autumnal trek to the ground by the hundreds, maybe thousands in just my yard alone. I feel the change of seasons in my soul as the leaves let go to make way for renewal in the spring.

One week of fall in all of its glorious beauty is still worth the wait and the contemplation to remind us letting go can be a wonderful thing.

Strike first. Strike hard. No mercy.

20 Sep 2020 Leave a comment

by Deborah Horton in September 2020, Write In The Flow Tags: , , , , , ,


Photo by Leslie Jones on Unsplash

I have reached the age where nostalgia is very enjoyable. Going back in time to relive parts of my younger years is always a serotonin/dopamine fest for my brain. And so it was when I stumbled across Cobra Kai on Netflix.

I loved the original Karate Kid movie with Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita. It came out in 1984 just a few years after I graduated high school and it was a quintessential root for the underdog coming of age movie for the eighties. There were good guys and bad guys and the lines of demarcation were clearly drawn. The good guy underdog wins in the end and learns about life in the process. A feel good movie for the ages.

I was hesitant when I saw Cobra Kai on the Netflix show guide, but I thought I will watch a couple of episodes just for the nostalgia of it and if it’s terrible I will not have lost much in the process. Little did I know that it would be an all consuming rabbit hole that I could not escape until I finished both seasons in a weekend.

The show is formulaic to the extreme. It isn’t Oscar worthy writing. The show relies heavily on call backs to the original movie complete with clips inserted throughout the episodes. The great Pat Morita is showcased quite often providing Daniel LaRusso with ongoing lessons of life. But the nostalgia brain chemistry dump is delicious.

Daniel is all grown up now with a wife and two kids. His mom is still alive and is in a couple of episodes as well. We also have the evil Johnny Lawrence of Cobra Kai who is divorced with a son he doesn’t have a relationship with and is an alcoholic to boot. Daniel’s daughter has been taught karate and Johnny’s son is learning from Daniel. While Johnny is teaching a down on his luck underdog (much like Daniel used to be) Karate the Cobra Kai way.

While Ralph Macchio is still very good in the role of Daniel, his evolution has not been that great. He is basically still the good guy whose life worked out really well and he still tries to live by the principles taught by Mr. Miyagi.

Johnny on the other hand played by the amazingly talented William Zabka is on a meteoric evolutionary path through the first two seasons. And he plays out all the emotional twists and turns magnificently. The guy you hated now becomes the guy you understand better, empathize with, and yes, root for.

In fact, I would say Johnny’s story is the most compelling so far of the two seasons and I cannot wait to see what happens to him in season 3.

The show overall though is nostalgia crack. I could not stop watching it. Yes, some things are just a bit too corny and yes some are overly formulaic, but the characters are interesting, the acting is solidly good or in Zabka’s case outstanding, and the nostalgia is worth every hour I spent glued to my television.

If you haven’t seen Cobra Kai on Netflix yet, check it out, especially if you are a Karate Kid fan and an eighties nostalgia crackhead like me.

“Lesson not just karate only. Lesson for whole life. Whole life have a balance. Everything be better.” ~ Mr. Miyagi

Dark Dreams

07 Sep 2020 Leave a comment

by Deborah Horton in September 2020, Write In The Flow Tags: , , , ,


Photo by Geren de Klerk on Unsplash

Alabaster rays highlighting only pieces of flesh. A flash of muscles and green eyes fused with the scent of sweat and sandalwood. Feeling the breath of air from the open window and your lungs as you lean closer.

Still as stone breathing in and filled with desire and dread. Your breath warm, sticky traversing exposed flesh. Waiting.

Seeing only flashes of moonlight kissed flesh, tousled hair of black curls, glistening diamond dew sweat filled sandalwood. Slightest pressure of teeth and tongue on exposed skin.

And gone as if never there. Waiting. The smell lingers still.

Add To Cart

21 Aug 2020 Leave a comment

by Deborah Horton in August 2020, Write In The Flow Tags: , , , ,


In the chaotic and out of control world that is 2020, retail therapy is on the rise. For many, it has become coping skill number one.

Add to cart.

Retail therapy has long been a part of our lives and for many, their mental health management. When we buy something we want or like, it makes us happy. It releases dopamine into our brains as a “reward” for buying what we want.

Online shopping makes it even easier to fulfill our retail therapy needs. Each time we click add to cart and then complete our purchase, the dopamine is released and we feel happy. Be it ever so briefly.

The things that we buy are not really important. It can be anything from candy to Chanel and beyond. Just as long as we are getting that dopamine reward, we feel happy. Sometimes momentarily and other times for longer, but it can bring us out of sad, angry, or anxious states for a brief period of time.

Retail therapy done in moderation is not generally harmful unless you do not have the money to spend. Rewarding yourself once in a while with something you want can be a form of self-care if moderated well.

Without moderation, retail therapy can result in overspending, which can result in issues paying your bills, buying food, or having a place to live. A few minutes on Amazon can result in hundreds or thousands of dollars spent all in an attempt to make ourselves feel better momentarily.

There is also the inevitable crash after realizing how much we have bought and perhaps not having the money to cover it all. We are living on a rollercoaster of dopamine release and guilt.

Retail therapy in current times is also about having something we can control. We can shop, we can decide to purchase, we can buy, we can take home and no one and no virus can stop us. For those brief moments, we are in control.

It is a dangerous combination, dopamine, and a sense of control in a chaotic and out of control world. Add to cart can quickly result in creating more problems for ourselves, not less.

Retail therapy in moderation can be a self-care reward. Retail therapy in abundance can be a lifestyle and mental health nightmare.

Choose your add to cart wisely.

Next Newer Entries