Meow you say to let me know you are on your way Movement sleek and elegant Claws retracted reserved for going in for the kill A silent assassin with teeth as sharp as blades Kept in good order For the hunt and the tearing of flesh On the look out for a bird preparing to soar He must come from a good family A turned up nose to a chicken and ham slice Preference is for the taste of mice Purr to express contentment and satisfaction A feline who bides his time before jumping in to action!
Now more than ever have we come to appreciate the importance of our physical and mental well being While we all have been caught up in the proverbial rat race striving for a bigger house a newer car more expensive clothes and a larger bank balance We have come to a shuddering halt No matter how rich or poor the situation remains the same Nobody is immune Maybe once this is all over the value we put on finances will decrease We will remind ourselves money is a man made invention Now is the time to spend as much as we need to help solve this global health and resulting economic crisis Once we come out the other side we can print more Society is coming together to contribute to defeating this virus This is an opportunity for the world to decide in the future are we to consider ourselves as consumers or as human beings
Begs an eggistential question Which came first The chicken or the egg? Egghilarated to have received the first vaccine Those pints of Guinness no longer simply just a pipe dream Eggcited to imagine myself lying next to a pool An umbrella overhanging in order to keep oneself cool Sipping Long Island Ice Teas No eggageration to say I can feel the sea breeze An eggceptional year for everyone There will be an eggtraordinary party when this is all done!!!
In response to Pablo Nerudo’s From the Book of Questions III, in which he asks, “Why do trees conceal the splendor of their roots?”
I know why trees hide the splendor of their roots. They were born in dirt and shit and sand. It was all they had to feed on.
I know why trees don’t walk until all are asleep. They hide their secret under asphalt sky so you cannot see where they splinter and smell and learned to breathe.
I know why priests hold babies under water to wash away blood no baths can take. That blood comes from the place our flesh was born.
So, I understand why I’m quiet and frail when the plane lands down in dust and sun. It returning to the place I cannot hide from. I’m coming home.
A year into my second marriage, I waited in bed for my wife to return from her daily bender. I was 39 years old and miserable. My children were safely tucked in bed in their bedroom and, as I waited to see whether she would be yelling at me again that night, I wondered whether I could handle another forty years of this and, if so, what I would be like after that kind of a stretch. It wasn’t pretty.
For those of you who never married into anger, let me give you a window into what the life is like. Imagine a world where you do all the stuff you are already doing now, but are constantly having to process your tasks through a set of questions, such as “what is her preferred way of this happening?” Or, “If I do this, will the kids be woken up with yelling later?” Or my personal least favorite, “Will this ruin Christmas?” Since the day we had said “I do”, my wife has shifted from a person who sent me love poems to a person who sent me hate mail. Everyone and everything was suspect. She was convinced my friends were lovers. Offers to navigate while she drove were considered an affront on her navigational skills. On and on it went, and every perceived slight led to another round of accusations and yelling. It was a nightmare and I wanted out.
However, this would not be my first failed marriage and I wasn’t even forty years old. This would mean my 4-year-old son would become a child of not one divorce, but two. I’m sure you’re following along here. That figure does not look good. Reflecting on that failure kept me stuck in a miserable pattern. I attended personal and couples counseling trying to save my marriage. Meanwhile, things kept getting much worse. I didn’t want to acknowledge my mistakes and fail my children, but in that moment, reflecting on who I would become if I didn’t leave, I was greeted with a new question. It wasn’t just about what I would become, it was about what my children would become, too.
Looking into the future allowed me to look past my fears in the moment (of failing my marriage, of the inevitable social judgment, of the public embarrassment, of the expense). Taking the long view reminded me what really mattered and that trying to make an insane situation work would be an even greater mistake. I didn’t have the courage to end it that night, but it wasn’t long after that I did.
When people are in crisis, it’s normal to go into a survival state. After the past year, a lot of us are stuck in that right now. Unfortunately, this mind frame often gets in the way of us being able to think reasonably and make sound judgments regarding how to respond. People become focused on the immediate future and immediate needs. As a result, it’s easy to get stuck in a pattern of figuring out how to get through the day rather than sorting out how to build a better life. You are not likely to make your best choices and often, this is when your choices matter most.
If you find yourself in an untenable position and can’t imagine how to get out, take a deep breath. Shift your attention for a moment away from your fear and to what you want. Now ask yourself, what do you need to get there? Write it down and make it happen. Take the long view and you could very well save your life.
Now, almost three years after that difficult night, I can say most certainly admitting my mistakes didn’t hurt as much as staying. My poor son is hard to feel bad for most days. He’s too busy making fart jokes and showing off his new Tae Kwon Do moves.
Sure, when I filed for divorce, the social judgment came. I think we can all agree that was inevitable. Some people wrote me off, but I’m still here and I’m happier than ever. So the jokes on them. Or maybe, the joke is on the woman that I almost was. Doesn’t really matter either way. The important thing is I can laugh again and mean it.
You don’t know it yet, but everything will turn out fine.
It’s an awkward phase for you right now but you’ll grow out of it. Those popular girls that you kind of hang around but aren’t truly in with … well, future you still won’t be friends with them but that’s ok because you’ll find friends that will accept you for who you are. No hard feelings.
I know you thought braces were cool because you could change the colors to match the holidays, but you’re going to grimace a bit when you see pictures of yourself. Especially when they’re red and green … that’s kind of a clashing color combination. It’s not going to match anything other than Christmas sweaters but those aren’t a thing yet.
You have a reputation for being smart, especially when it comes to math and science. Or rather, you’ve been told you have to be good at math and science, no matter what. But it’s English that you’re naturally blossoming in.
This is the year you decide you don’t want to become a doctor. When you tell your dad, he’s going to be disappointed. You won’t forget his reaction, even after he’s forgotten his own reaction. But you’ll settle on becoming something he’s ok with.
You’re going to get the award for the highest academic average in your class. Enjoy it while it lasts because this is the last year that school is going to be easy for you. You’ll continue to do fine academically because that’s what you do, but you’ll find out next year that you were just a big fish in a small pond.
You’re struggling with being Asian right now, but that too will change. It’s hard to be the only Chinese at school when you’re growing up and no one is valued for being different at this stage of life. You’ll learn to balance your “white side” and your “Asian side”, and you’ll also learn it’s ok for that balance to fluctuate at times.
You’re painstaking combing your English to remove all traces of an Asian accent that might have trickled through to you. You’ll change your pronunciation from AD-ult to a-DULT and from fi-NANCE to FI-nance to better fit in. When really, it’s not even a Chinese accent thing — it’s a British vs American pronunciation thing. Your parents grew up under the British and undoubtedly, the British accent is cooler than the American accent.
You hate sandwiches and you’re going to continue to hate sandwiches. But you’ll continue to bring sandwiches to school every day for lunch because that’s what the white kids are doing. The last time you brought a thermos of fried rice, you got curious looks that made you uncomfortable. And that time you brought sushi, you had to explain that it’s seaweed and survive all the “ew” comments. They’ll change and Asian food will become no different than Taco Tuesdays. Once you start working, you’ll never pack a sandwich for lunch ever again.
It’s ok that your parents hold you to stricter rules than the “white parents”. It’s not actually all for your own good, but you won’t be able to change it anyways till you move out and you won’t do that for another decade so hang in there. You’ll find time to catch up.
I know you can’t go to the mall like the other girls can because of said Asian parents and, consequentially, you don’t get to buy the matching bracelets or shirts or whatever was cool back then to fit in. To be honest, you wouldn’t fit in anyways even if you did match them. Also, malls are boring if you don’t have money and you do not have any money right now.
You live under a rock right now and you can blame your parents for that. They won’t let you watch “Friends” because there are too many sexual references and they won’t let you listen to popular music because the Spice Girls are too scandalous. Backstreet Boys … well, they were afraid you’d become a fangirl and they think crazy fans have no dignity. Honestly, it was probably just easier for them to issue a blanket ban than to sort through it all.
To be honest, you’re going to spend a fair bit of time trying to hide this gap in your pop knowledge, but you’re never going to catch up. And then you’re going to reach an age where you still live under a rock but you can’t blame your parents for it anymore. But it’s ok — who needs pop culture anyways?
Don’t pick the clarinet as your instrument in band class. Clarinets are not cool. Pick the tenor saxophone. I know your band teacher says you can switch to the tenor next year but you won’t have the next year with this band teacher, and you won’t actually learn to play the tenor sax for another 17 years.
You’re tinkering with jazz piano right now as a junior, wanna-be jazz band member, and you’re struggling. You aren’t going to get the jazz rhythm now and I don’t know if or when you ever will. Stick with classical. There’s no shame to being a classically trained pianist, although I know it gets lonely being a solo pianist all the time. But you’ll stumble across something for that in two years time.
Every week you go to your piano lessons. You’re currently working on the Pathetique Sonata. The boy who has lessons right before you is playing the Moonlight Sonata. You fall in love with the haunting melodies of this composition, but you don’t really remember the boy.
8 years from now, you’re going to bump into him at university, but neither of you are going to remember each other. It’ll take multiple chance encounters, a couple of musical sessions sizing up each other’s piano abilities, and a strong dose of luck before there’s a casual mention about growing up in a certain neighborhood down south. He’s the guy who played the Moonlight Sonata and you’re the girl who played the Pathetique Sonata. And it turns out he was just as interested in the Pathetique as you were in the Moonlight.
11 years from now you two are going to end up living in the same downtown high-rise building. You’re going to sneak into the building together before construction is finished for sneak-peeks into your units. He’ll send you updates about the building as construction is wrapping up. You’re going to text him anytime you’re out of ice for a party or need a neighbor to lend some sugar. But no, no romantic relationships here although it sounds like I’m writing a rom-com.
Back to 12-year-old you.
You’re going to compete in the Kiwanis Music Festival with Liebestraum by Liszt. You’re going to win first place and this composition will always have a special place in your heart because it’s going to be your last competition-level polished performance with Mrs. Malo. She was the perfect piano teacher for you and, for all that she lacked in technical ability, she made up with heart.
She’ll tell you that she’s never put as much heart and time and care into a student as she has with you. She’ll tell you that you’ve surpassed her technical abilities and that if you want to become a better pianist, you have to move on to another piano teacher. You won’t want to and your parents won’t force you, but this will be your last year with her.
Cherish your moments with her because, in the years to come, you won’t be able to find her again. Hang on to that Pathetique Sonata because you’re not done with it yet. Be sad for the farewell, but know that you’ll find yourself with another wonderful piano teacher who will take you much further without losing the heart that goes into your piano. You’re going to have fantastic piano opportunities in the upcoming years.
You love reading and you love libraries and you were so excited that your bus route included a transfer right next to the library. But then you got self-conscious about what the other kids would think. So you didn’t go into the library even though you stood waiting at the bus stop right outside the library five days a week.
You’ll still love reading and you’ll outgrow feeling any embarrassment about it. Those fantasy/sci-fi books you love are suddenly going to become really popular and you’ll roll your eyes at the bandwagoners. You’ll join far too many book clubs (some successful, some not successful), but you’ll continue to love reading.
If I have my timelines right, the Harry Potter trend is very seriously picking up right now and the movies are being released each November right around your birthday. Harry Potter is still cool. Neopets will be thought back on fondly, although you might want to remember that fake birthday you put down because you’re going to need it if you ever want to reset your password later … like a decade later. Animorphs … questionable on the cool-ness scale even back then, but you’ll bring up odd animal facts randomly and will continue to have a fondness for peregrine falcons.
I don’t know if you know this yet, but your parents are going to tell you that the family is moving to Texas at the end of the school year. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to be very difficult. But it’s going to be for the better and you will cherish everything that Texas brings to your life.
Thirst traps are everywhere these days. Every social media platform has them. Filled with very beautiful people who lure you in and cause you to continuously scroll to see more and more of them.
Many of these are celebrities and whole communities are built around them on social media like Tik Tok and then carried on in fan fiction on sites like Wattpad. Many of those who follow these thirst traps are considered to be “Stans” or stalker fans. It can by anyone from Adam Driver to the fictional Draco Malfoy.
Of course there are plenty of thirst traps with every day relatively unknown people. Well unknown until they blow up on social media and become “internet famous”. Tik Tok is full of such traps and in fact it is a main driver of their business model at this point.
My thirst trap that I am caught in however originates from a different source. Streaming services that offer television series featuring amazing looking actors with lots of action and of course great bodies.
It started with The Last Kingdom which I watched starting on my vacation in December 2020. It features Alexander Dreymon as Uhtred. Dreymon plays the Viking warrior Uhtred of Bebbenberg leading his armies against the English and other Danes while also being the oath man of King Alfred of Wessex.
There is a lot of fighting, very brutal fighting. There is romance, drama, and history. But then there is Uhtred and Dreymon. A thirst trap of epic proportions. I have watched the series through entirely twice now and I am sure I will watch it again and possibly again.
Having discovered Viking thirst traps, I then progressed to Vikings and Travis Fimmel as Ragnar Lothbrok (or Lodbrok from history). Again, an enormously appealing looking man playing another Viking warrior. The difference between the two shows is that in Vikings almost all the men AND women are very beautiful. Alexander Ludwig (of Hunger Games fame) is also in this show as Ragnar’s son Bjorn and he is also quite lovely. Not sure that it is historically accurate in that sense, but that’s not why we watch it is it?
I am still making my way through Vikings as it has six seasons and some are extremely long. With my work schedule I have to binge watch when I have time off so it takes me a bit to get through the seasons. Not that I am complaining. This thirst trap is quite entertaining and I am now quite caught in it.
This is why they exist though isn’t it? To trap people and get them to continuously scroll and then watch and rewatch series. To generate views and likes and follows and subscriptions to streaming services so that you continue to watch and watch and watch.
Alexander Dreymon is prettier but Travis Fimmel is the better actor. If that’s what you are into…the better acting. Thirst traps are not really known as great acting challenges.
If like me, thirst traps appeal to you, I encourage you to fall into the trap of The Last Kingdom and Vikings. But be warned, once you are in it is very difficult to get out or to stop watching and watching again.
Whenever my dogs play, go outside, go for a walk, or do anything physical, afterward, they’re ALL smiles.
Do you know why? Because endorphinsmake you SMILE, feel good, enhance your mental health, and also help decrease the pain you might be experiencing in your life mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
The world could be a little bit happier, a little bit more smiley, and feel a little bit more cheerful inside if they released more endorphins every day.
With depression and mental illness growing rampant, releasing endorphins is one sure way you can help combat negative feelings, states of beings, and moods. It does take some effort on your part, but you always feel better once you complete an endorphin-releasing activity.
Smile More & Be Grateful
We shouldn’t be freaked out by people who often smile; instead, we should ask them what they have to smile about. Next, we should ask ourselves:
What can I smile about?
What can I be grateful for?
What do I get to do today that I might be taking for granted?
Being grateful can be transformative to your mental health.
Endorphin Releasing Ideas
Here are some easy ways to release endorphins:
Dance to some catchy a** music.
Complete a goal.
Take a walk first thing in the morning.
Laugh (very underrated).
Workout with a friend.
Stretch and focus on your breathing.
Have a stimulating conversation.
Complete an easter egg hunt.
Go ziplining.
Play ball with your dogs (one of my dogs is OBSESSED w/ playing fetch 24/7).
The way to release endorphins doesn’t have to be in the form of a traditional workout. Get creative. Do something fun. Stimulate your mind, body, and soul. Try something you’ve never experienced before.
Walking
One of my favorite ways to release endorphins, help with any pain I feel in my body at times, and de-stress is to walk. The more I walk, the better I feel — holistically. When I consistently take walks, I notice multiple areas (e.g., work, mood, spiritual health, and mental clarity, to name a few.) of my life improve. Walking is also one of the easiest ways to feel better — immediately.
There are so many benefits of walking:
Increase in mental clarity
De-stress
Gather new ideas
De-escalate anger and anxiety
Increase mobility
Maintain a healthy weight
Closing Thoughts
Remember to laugh. Remember to smile. Remember to release more endorphins.
Life can take its toll on you when you forget to enjoy it. Your body, spirit, and overall health will thank you for consistently releasing more endorphins.
Take Action: What can you start doing more of to release endorphins starting today?
And here’s one last thing picture to hopefully make you smile. Cheers!
Deborah Horton Writing 